What about Bob… The ultimate couch buying experience

Sad, torn, devil couch

A few months ago, I pulled a muscle. The how is not important… but this lead to me falling out of a house (ok, it was a 2″ step) and becoming immobile with 2 sprained ankles. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the occasional relaxing on the couch, or sleeping in… I just don’t like to be told I have to stay down. I’d had enough of sitting on my couch after about the second movie. But, I sat… and sat… and sat. There were 2 months with my ‘feet up’ and sitting on the couch, and since, about 5 months has passed and I still have this nagging hip pain. 
If you’re thinking it’s because I’m old, back your ass up right now… It’s not that! Turns out, the couch that we bought (5 years used) 9 years ago may have been the culprit. My 2 months of ‘taking it easy’ on my devil couch has done more harm than good. I’ve been sitting on this horribly torn and deformed couch for too long…. WAY too long.  It finally occurred to me, We need a new couch! Since my husband absolutely loves to shop and spend money, he insisted that we spend a few days visiting every furniture store in the east valley. (that’s the story anyway) I don’t even want to say this, but it’s exhausting sitting on every couch on the planet, in 2 days time. Maybe I am old…. 
We’re a little high maintenance when it comes to couches. With the Male being in construction, he likes to wear things like dirt, concrete, drywall, paint etc. A fabric couch is out… A light colored couch… out. He’s also a big dude, so little couches are not gonna happen. We both work from our laptops for about 4-5 hours every night… so we require recliners so that we can pretend that we’re relaxing while we work.  Lastly, #welove… so we prefer that our couch doesn’t attempt to separate us with non reclining seats in between, or silly consoles in between. We’re very serious about cuddling.  So, we need a 2 seat, brown, leather, couch sized reclining couch…specifically.
As our second day of shopping was becoming exhausting and we needed to feed the male, we stopped at our favorite lunch spot to discuss the couches we’d seen so far. Over yummy food, we decided on which couch was right for us and we headed back to make the purchase.  
Instead, we talked ourselves out of the previously perfect couch and continued on our search. After looking through seas of couches, store rooms of blingy furniture, millions of dollars worth of 70’s looking furniture and telling about 97 salesmen that we were just browsing… we wondered in to the last furniture store we knew of on our side of town.  

I plopped down into the first brown leather couch I saw, ready for the day of shopping to come to an end. 

“Can I help you guys find anything?” said the 98th salesman.

“I think we’ll be alright.” I said

But he was not new… and was not going away.”ok, I don’t want to bother you, so give me a holler if you need anything, my name is Aaron.”

“Can I call you Bob?” I said…  I’ve heard the schpeal about 40 times now, and I just needed to hear this conversation go another way now. 

Bob clearly did not know how to handle such a request. I helped him through it though, and let him know that I just preferred to call him Bob. I let him know that if we did need anything, “I’ll just start yelling BOB! That’ll be your queue to come find us, ok Bob?”

We proceeded to walk away to go sit on all their couches, but little Bob followed, giving us just enough space and occasionally checking in on us, “do you guys have any questions I can answer?” “Can I get you a water or a lemonade?”

“I think we’re ok Bob, we’re probably just gonna snuggle on this couch for a while to see if it’ll work. Do you have cocktails? I like to make decisions while I enjoy a cocktail.”

“Bob!”  “Does this couch come in another color?” 

“Bob!” “I wonder if you can do better on this price.” 

“oh yes, see this is the original price here” he says while trying to uncover the non sales price.

“yeah, I’m not interested in those numbers, I want different numbers, Bob” 

Buying couches with the change found in couches.

Bob then attempted to give us financing options, “that’s ok” the male said, “we’re cash buyers”, to which I felt like expanding on. “We have the pennies in the truck, Bob” 

Poor Bob, trying to keep his cool, begins to walk away, “Sorry, I’m just going to grab a water, my throat is dry”

“Ok Bob, feel free to help yourself to some Lemonade, if you want”

When Bob returned, he came with his GM…. He too agreed to let me call him Bob.  At this point, I was pretty sure my couch shopping was done. I would be buying a couch from the Bobs, for sure. I had clearly made little Bob slightly nervous, and he tried to rush off, due to it being ‘so busy’ at that moment. The male later discover that Bob 1 was a little “anxious”… (and probably not great at processing his new name). He was found hyperventilating at the other end of the store. However, Big Bob was able to answer questions…. just not as flexible about going to our house to measure for us. We decided to order the couch, along with a piece that is no longer offered, cause we’re supper fun like that. The Bobs did get it worked out, although I feel pretty certain that both Bobs needed a cocktail after we left. 

The new couch… sort of

I think I’ll bring Bob a cake, to make up for yesterday….

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