The Truth, in Form

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I was feeling so frustrated… Here I am, doing all the right things, and not losing any weight.

I know that I put my adrenals through a lot, and I know that my hormones, thyroid and everything else is out of wack, but seriously.

Frustrated and annoyed, I reached out to someone who specializes in thyroid help, and hormonal support.

We talked for a bit, about my bout with Shingles, and autoimmune issue.

We talked about stress, and how I have put my body through the ringer.

I said, yes, I need this help.

I marched over to the website, set an appointment to speak to someone about my issues… and then I received the questionnaire form.

I didn’t think much of it, really. I just started filling it out.  I actually appreciated that they would be looking over my information with such detail, so I tried to be as thorough as possible.

I was asked about vitamins, about nutrition, about exercise and other things… your typical, “to be expected” questions a nutritional based expert would ask.

It asked what vitamins I’m taking…. I started to list them out. I take these multi’s, these omegas… I take this one for gut health… well, I thought to myself, I try to, but usually forget.

I make a green shake every day with these things added…. Well, again to myself… I try to have one every day.

I started to type out my typical eating plan…. So proud of myself for going organic. Well, except for the occasional meal out (which has still been rare)… Yeah, the fried pickles were probably not the best decision.  But at home…. Well, at home, I do eat organic. I eat a lot of organic cheese, meats, tacos… Maybe I have Pizza or burger and fries too often. But they’re organic….

I filled out the exercise portion… I start each day with my yoga and meditation… Well, almost every day. Actually, sometimes I’ll go a week in between, because I can’t find the motivation.

This week in particular… my yoga may have included a little too much of corpse pose, happy baby, childs pose, and frankly any other pose I could get into that was simply one level above sleep.

Then the questionnaire asked me about smoking and drinking… Ah… I do not smoke.  Big smiley face.

But, I do have cocktails, occasionally.

That word occasionally sat there on the page.

That word stared at me, with one eye brow up and said… “really?”

I looked over my form and thought to myself… If I were ACTUALLY doing all of these things, well… I wouldn’t be filling this form out, now would I?

But the truth in it was a little watered down.

I coach people in Real Estate. I can’t tell you how often I hear someone complain about not having enough business.

“Are you doing [these things]?

“No… [enter excuse… no time, something came up, etc]”

Well, you can’t expect results, if you’re not actually putting in the effort.

I tell people all the time…. look, if you don’t do the activities, and you fail… you’re the only one truly on the line… You’re the only one to blame for your own success or failure. If you don’t do the things you need to do, it’s on you.

I pride myself on being conscious about my truths…. And this was a big eye opener, even for me.

I have not been truthful to myself.

I thought about this potential interview a lot… and the truth was, I couldn’t justify investing any amount of money into a dud. Not that the program would be… but my mindset is not where I need it, to succeed with any plan. If I’m not holding myself accountable to myself, what makes me think I’ll do it for someone else?

I can pay someone to run tests, strategically build a custom diet plan, and ‘hold me accountable’.  But at the end of the day… I’M the only one that can hold myself accountable, and so far… I’m not doing that very well.

I decided that I needed to stop lying to myself.

Am I doing everything in my power to get back to healthy? No. The honest answer is no.

If I were… my mind wouldn’t be hung up on the pickle fries and IPA’s from the other day, trying to find a way to spin that into ‘the exception’ or ‘not that bad’.

But while I’m trying to convince myself that I’m doing everything…. My health and my weight are the only facts here.

So, no more BS… I’ve decided to document my journey, honestly. And before I do, eat or drink something, I’ll be considering the fact that I’m not going to be hiding it anymore.

The only way to hold myself to the fire… is to be completely open and honest.

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